Wednesday, September 7, 2011


Remember Stretch Armstrong? I would like to offer him an apology. An apology for everytime I stretched him so far it tested his limits. For the time that me and my friends stretched him in all directions until syrupy oooze started to seep out of his arm joints. We stretched him much further than he was ever meant for. For now, I understand how he must have felt, as I am being stretched mercilessly in all directions. At this point, I'm not even sure I can retain my original shape. Am I oozing yet? Not yet, but my cat and kid are. Im screaming "STOP, JUST STOP, I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE" but the pulling continues. No one is asking for anything unreasonable. The kids want to be fed, played with and bathed. Cici wants to be carried around all the time or she just sits and cries. I need the house cleaned and dinner cooked and bills paid ON TIME, laundry done, if even just for the next day. i need to be on time to work, which means Josh will have to wake earlier as will we, even though we have been up during the night with Cici. I will have to be faster at shaking him off of my leg when he doesn't want me to leave him at school. I need to see a whole lot patients, making their experience the experience of a lifetime that they are hoping for. no pressure. Make sure the exam is precise, done and done well. done efficiently. Nothing missed. Patient leaves the office with a memory they will never forget. Afterall, you will always remember where you were when you found out "boy or girl" or God forbid something is wrong. Being distracted from any of these things mentioned above is not an option, yet sometimes it sneaks away from me. There is no prioritizing. none. One issue is just as important as the next. And they are all valid. But the stretching, the pulling in all directions at the same time is killing me. So in the end, I feel like I am not performing well as a mommy, wife a daughter or an employee. Im so exhausted I don't even know when to scream "UNCLE!" For right now, I may be oozing a little at the arm joints, I just pray that the pulling will stop before something gets broken.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Runaway mom

To all 5 of my faithful followers, please let this go in one ear and right out the other. Although any encouragement, advice or critique would be appreciated. I guess my point is, hopefully once I let all this out I will be over it. I hope so, because I have been stewing for weeks now. That is SO not healthy. do YOU determine the order of your priorities? I am always so afraid that I am going to do something wrong and even worse, regret something.
For the first time, I am feeling unsettled with my job. That alone is extremely unnerving and new. Then I leave work and have about 3.5 minutes to unwind before I pick Cici up. Then we get home and its CHAOS! Usually 2 dinners to cook. (the kids and ours if they can't have what we are having or its not going to be ready in time) then bath time. But this time Caroline is cranky and exhausted. They magically get calm right as Frank gets home so it looks like I have gone off the shiz-zang for 2 perfectly calm kids. So tonight Frank calls and says he missed his stop on the train so he was going to be late. This call took place as both kids were crying for me. So of course I have visions of him kicked back on the nice quiet train. Sounds good to me. So enter a moment of bitterness. I wanted to run away from home. Then the colossal feeling of guilt came back just in time to keep me from packing my hobo stick and bandana. There is nothing about this entire scenario that I can change. I just have to suck it up and smile through it. Here is the painful and frustrating part. I LOVE all parties previously mentioned. There is not one thing I can change about any one thing I mentioned. So why bother getting so beside myself about any of it? I DONT KNOW!! Maybe its just a matter of "this too shall pass" I don't like this feeling of feeling so overwhelmed. Work used to be my haven, a place where ironically things were in their place and the unpredictability was always predictable. Right now, that is just not the case. I cant even size up my priorities enough to decide what to do. For the moment I will grin and bare it. No question, God will lead me to the right thing to do.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Found my calling!

I have come to a very important conclusion. Here is my thought process. Surely you didn't think I was going to just get right to the point? Right up until I met Frank Chavira, I never pictured my self being a mom. For one, I was painfully aware even then what my concerns for my children's health would do. But mostly, I was too busy wondering around, trying to establish my career and find my identity on top of it. Then enter Frank Chavira. It was easy, so easy. The whole relationship, commitment, marriage, easy, it was a no-brainer. Having children was the natural progression. There was never any doubt that my children were destined to "institutionalized" (daycare kids) I love my job, I love what I do. God granted me an amazing gift and I intend to use it to the best of my abilities. So it was decided that I would "settle" I would give my children the second best thing. A working mom. But WAIT! Three and half years and 2 beautiful children later, it occurs to me, I have found my calling. wait for it.....wait for calling to be a really good working mom!! That is not the second best thing I can give my children. I have come to the realization that I am a "juicebox mom". I am not the Alpha Mom.

A perfect example of who should stay home with their children: The Alpha Mom. (I won't mention her name to avoid any potential embarrassment but let's just call her "Calliou's mommy". She truly is the Alpha Mom. She is happily married, highly educated, beyond creative. She could bring Martha Stewart to tears. Her children and brilliant and well rounded. Well behaved. She enjoys getting out of the house on her own as this is not her only identity. She maintains a happy marriage an orderly house. Ok, spotless and well decorated. When it comes to holiday parties for the kids and I am busy feeling proud of myself for cutting up strawberries and cheese, she is making some beautiful and delicious creation that will doubt be on a stick. Children will squeal with delight. Her gift is find wonderful and creative ways to use all of her talents. This is my perception and Im sure she would edit this if she could to something far more humble. I also don't pretend that this is always an easy task. She is the Alpha mom, not super woman.

I am the juicebox mom. I am reminded of a Christmas party Josh had last year at his school. We were asked to bring a little something that all 22 of them could enjoy. The first thing I thought of was "How can I make Josh proud?" "What would Josh like?" So Im checking out the sign in sheet and I see cookies and rice krispie treats repeated on the same list. Not much variety. But who am I to judge? They have to work too right? I was busy with a new born and a 2 year old. So anything labor intensive is likely not gonna happen. Even if I could think of something. So I decide to go with Josh's favorite...fruit and cheese. I bought the fruit fresh and cut it up and placed it ever so pretty on Christmas trays. Lovingly cut the cheese in to cubes (insert joke here) and placed in on another Christmas tray. Feeling a little bummed that this is the best I could come up with I took it into Josh's class. He is foaming at the mouth over it at this point. What I see are Kroger made cookies and pre packaged boxes of Rice Krispie Treats. Don't get me wrong, I have gone the route of being the "paper plates and napkins" girl. But the moral to this story is...I give the best I have. Josh is always excited and proud. And isnt that the point. The teachers at their schools know the cute songs and have the know-how to teach. Im not a teacher of everything just by virtue of being a mom. I watch their schools VERY carefully. God knows I have stepped on toes and left destruction in my wake. But these are MY babies and if any one of them say they would do any less is crazy. I just don't ever want to regret anything. I will continue to try to divide my talents as efficiently as I can, always to the benefit of my family. I rarely do it efficiently and its not always easy. But I am so thankful God called on me to be a working mom for Josh and Caroline!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

who can teach me?

Tonight I had my mommy hat on. Dinner time for the kids...peanutbutter and jelly sandwich requested by Josh soon as we walked in the door. By all means TRIANGLE PB&J. hand a fella a whole sandwich and the entire chemistry of changes to something awful! He then later requested some chicken nuggets. sigh...and heverytie we go. Frank and I were having tacos and I knew he wouldn't want that. to be honest, I didn't think he would want to eat after he demolished that sandwich. SO chicken nuggets and and cucumbers. For God's sake don't forget the ranch. a.k.a white sauce. Again, white sauce can turn any food into a glorious thing. milk. Not perfect, but in the middle of this is our dinner and a 9 month old going through her bipolar mood changes.Its the convenience food that bothers me. Cici had...hold on..throwing up a little in my mouth..LITE Vienna sauages. talk about processed CRAP! then some peas and carrots and fresh blueberries. Oh, and a stolen chicken nugget from Josh's plate. Its just so hard. And I swore until Josh was born, eating healthy was going to be a walk in the park. you just don't give them the crap...thats all. Thats true to an extent. They dont get sugar here. We do sugar free everything. I guess thats something. Im going to obtain the supermom status one of these days. I know there are mommys that do it everyday. I know where my weakness lies...organization. Who can teach me? I need desperately to be a great mom that Josh and Cici can be proud of and this just isn't going to cut it. Why can other people get it all done and I can't. Im not stupid...Im educated....Im just lacking. Maybe this is the best it gets? I will continue to try so Josh and Cici can be proud.

Monday, July 11, 2011

crazy hat lady

Boy do I wear a lot of hats! In no certain order...

1. Sonographer hat...This particular hat is very no-nonsense, practical if you will. It stays out of my face so that my vision is clear. Stain resistant. Although I can't imagine how my hat would get stained. Given that this a proverbial hat I guess it doesn't matter. It has no bows no accesories, purely functional. It gives a gentle and calming impression to my patients.

2. Friend hat...Very colorful, very playful. Nothing like what Beatrice wore to the royal wedding. Perhaps something that has several parts to it for nights out with the girls. Fun and crazy. But can be pinned back and toned down when I have a friend in need.

3. Daughter hat...this hat is a beautiful shade of a light dusty pink with perhaps a cream colored flower pinned to the side. kinitted by loving hands. This hat keeps tools in it that allows me to help when I can but is child like in type and color to remind me that sometimes I feel like the parent, I am really their baby girl.

4. Wife hat...This hat is a deep scarlet read. it is pinned at an angle on my head, Giving a dramatic look that enhances the look of m eyes. This reminds me of the love and passion I have for my husband. It has an amazing ability to transform itself into a hat much like my sonographer hat. Very practical and calm and ready to take care of him or help out in any way.

5. my favorite...the MOMMY hat...Upon first glance, it looks much like a prayer kapp. (the caps the Amish wear) this is to remind us of the conservative and chirstian way I want to lead my children too. But upon further investigation this hat can morph in to many other hats at a moment's notice. There is ever kind of tool available. toy fixing, dinner finxing, fever fixing...etc. I'm sure my hat will continue to grow and I will learn new ways to use it.

It occurs to me that I wear so many different hats in a day. Its easy to lose your personal identity. My favorite part of myself is being Frank's wife and Josh and Caroline's mom. But somewhere in there, there is Edie...just plain ol' Edie. There is also Frank and Edie. These are 2 identities that don't get enough attention. I think we have found a babysitter and maybe that will give us some re-coop time. Just a a couple of hours to take my hat off and let my hair down!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Tofu and father/child bonding

Ok, so last week was an epic fail as far as my goals set! no surprise there. SO maybe I won't even bother this week.

But I personally am going to strive to eat very little processed food. That should not be difficult when fruit and veggies are at their best! But I did purchase some tofu. I would like for my first cooking experience to be a good one so if anyone has any good tofu recipes that would be much appreciated!!

Tonights topic....This kind of came up with another friend of mine on FB. Thanks for the idea, Mary. We all know there is a power and biological bond between mother and child. But what about father and child? the ability to bond? of course. biological...I believe so down to my very core. Would love to hear thoughts from other mommys and daddys.

SO in for tofu
thoughts on father/child bonding

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I am definatly lacking some skills....

Ok, so here is the whole stupid reason for this blog! I failed miserably! I haven't even had time to do a diary! First, I get beat like a rented goat at work, then home and everyone is STAAAARVING and about to perish from the Earth. So Cici ate 4, yes 4 chicken nuggets and a bunch of green beans. Josh ate a grilled chicken and cheese quesadilla and some fresh tomato. Both of them ate good. Then it was bath time. Then it was play time. Oh yeah, Frank and I need to eat. Im so exhausted. So not only do I have a food diary to report, but I have not completed any of my chores. And the house cleaning fairies are no longer visiting. How do you maintain a clean house and feed and clean and play with your children? God forbid, time with your spouse? sigh

Academic check...Does anyone have any good resources on how to teach your child to read. Josh is already recognizing several site words. So I get some flashcards and become quickly aware that this is why I'm a sonographer and not a teacher. How do you sound out the word "train" ?